Reply To: Nuts and Bolts and Magic Bullets

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#3595
Helen
Participant

Sci-fi and fantasy is not my first choice of reading but what I like about your story is that it’s a bit ‘out there’. It’s increasingly difficult to find original niches in writing themes and I think most would agree that it’s very difficult to slot your story into a recognisable genre.
I think the second part of the story where Junk is taking on the rogue bot reads much better than the first part in the factory. I was a bit confused by some of the unusual words in the first part (e.g. ‘burin’) and names of the characters and found myself re-reading them to try and understand. But you create a strong feel of factory by involving a lot of senses.
When we get to Junk there seems to be a much better plot-flow and I felt as if I was being taken somewhere bizarre and interesting. I wanted to read on to find out more about him (it?) and the outcome of his battle with the bot. I think the beach scene is well-described with the action easy to follow. Your story has a good pay-off line but I don’t think you get full value from it because it’s not mentioned until half-way through the story. I think if you imbue more importance to the magic bullet in the first scene you will get a bigger kick from the end.
Does any of that resonate?
(NB: One small literal – “It’ll be their downfall.”)

  • This reply was modified 5 months, 3 weeks ago by Helen.