Hi again! To be honest, having read some of the other samples on here, I feel a little bit sheepish about this one now. I will say this: I have written better! I think the reason I put it up here was because I felt deep down it wasn’t right which is, I suppose, the whole point of this feedback string.
Thanks for taking the time to read and comment on it, CW. I concur with all your observations. I think the trouble is that I wrote it originally for a competition and the word count was rather limited to develop the character much – but then that’s the point of the challenge, isn’t it? I think I’ll have one more tinker at it….and then move on!