She had aged in the blink of an eye, yet there was no doubt she had recognised how difficult it had gradually become to get out of bed in the morning; due to the combination of aching limbs and her spine, and the black dog sat on her chest. There was no way this dark morbid shadow was moving, no matter how many juicy meaty bones were thrown.
Not sure what to make of this. At first I laughed because of the twist about the real reason she couldn’t get out of bed. Then it dawned on me that the dog could be a metaphor for something else – a terrible illness perhaps. Certainly ‘dark, morbid shadow’ does paint a more grim perspective. Literal or symbolic?
I like brevity. Most people utter so much nonsense that by the time they do chance upon an enlightened phrase, a pearl of wisdom they’re already lost the listener.
Harry, thank you for your constructive comments. This is the first thing I’ve ever written and shown to anyone, apart from my poems which I had used in an English lesson on my access course 8 years ago.
I have a book I’m writing at the moment, and took a (very long) break from it, only to come back to it during some stress leave from work. I’ve begun a creative writing course on openlearn, and playing with my characters in the book in the activities I’m doing for it.
Michael…….so I would say ‘dark.morbid shadow’ reinforces the metaphor but the ‘juicy meat bones’ strengthens the literal interpretation. I would try and link the latter with something that emphasizes what you really want to say or use a different hook in your final line.
I hope your writing is as therapeutic and healing for you as it is a rewarding outlet for self-expression. The
key mantra for me at the moment is persistence and resilience.
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