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Hi Les, how did you come across your group? Were they well-established?
Oooh! I prefer dark rabbit hole! And it reflects much better on your first chapter that I can’t predict what’s coming.
First an apology about not knowing the names of the characters…Thalia! It’s right there on the page. Three times! And Josh. I don’t know how I missed that.
I was thinking that maybe the salesperson Josh was looking for was going to turn out to be her and that there might be some sort of comic role-reversal where he would have to stay at home and look after baby while she became the main breadwinner.
Hey emmab. Thanks for sharing that with us. Before I comment, I have to say that while I write a bit and read a lot, I have never had anything published so I’m certainly no expert in the field.
I think that you have gone all out to create a really strong character in this first chapter. It’s also a very modern character and one that a lot of women will identify with. Your descriptions of place are good, but maybe on occasions, you could be a little more economical with them and demonstrate the point with an observation. For example, instead of actually saying the baby was sick in the car you could just mention in passing her wiping away the mess (with a sigh). That way you get the information across via the character expressing her feelings. I think I can get a sense of what’s coming but would like this to be stronger as in a hook. I want something in that first chapter that is going to worry me until I know the answer. That, along with your strong character will make me want to read on. I also want some names! Is there a secret reason why none of three figures have been named?
In a nutshell, describe what’s happening via what the character does and put a hook – or two – in there to make the reader want more. Using a present tense is just fine.
Hope that helps!
An interesting translation of two poets I hadn’t heard of before. I like both of them. Thanks for bringing them to my attention.
I think there is a lot of mileage in this character. You have mapped out enough questions to hook the reader about a credible persona who is going to surprise us. It’s a goer for me.
Have to disagree with you here, Jim. I find McEwan’s prose and insights into human frailties gets better with every book although I must admit Solar made uncomfortable reading for all the wrong reasons. Comedy (if that’s what it was) is definitely not his forte. It reminded me a bit of another of my favorite writers – Kasuo Ishiguro – and his foray into the other comedy with The Unconsoled. A very misguided project!
Okay, I understand your position. There’s no point in creating something original if you just have to explain in layman’s terms. It reminds me of that old Don McLean quote. When asked what the lyrics of American Pie meant he answered one interviewer thus: “They mean I don’t have to work any more for a living.”
I think that’s more for business brain-storming than writers Orcus. But it is fun. I think I might make it a party game for Christmas. After spinning the three wheels, this is what I came up with:
An automated hotel for kids
Now that would work as a great book for children aged around 7-12. I’m sure they would love the idea of a hotel where they were the only guests and that they could control all the food, cleaning, entertainment etc by the push of a button. But then it all goes hilariously wrong…..
And, as a game you could ask people to write down their ideas for how such a concept would work. Give them five minutes and compare answers. Maybe that would work better as a classroom activity.
This has a nice rhythm Jim though I’m pretty much in the dark as to its meaning. I was wondering if it had something to do with remembrance day given the time of year and a few phrases linking sadness to fields – maybe the killing fields of battles. Am I warm? And “wholly muzzy realm” – what’s that?
That’s a really interesting competition. Part of my problem as a writer is that I often don’t know where to start. You can write about anything and that amount of freedom is a bit overwhelming. I often write better when I have a deadline or a specific theme. It focuses my mind – a bit like what you said. To write within such a short time-frame is a very good discipline even if you don’t win anything.
Another of those hybrid publishers is Pegasus
Hi Helen, I liked Spectrum too. I hope you find a home for it.
- This reply was modified 7 months, 3 weeks ago by Kit-Kat.
It’s a red line for most publishers I’m afraid. I think there are legal reasons in addition to others for not being able to take on pre-published work. I would exhaust all potential submissions before going down the self-publish route although it didn’t hurt Mark Twain, George Orwell or Margaret Atwood to name a few. Also, I think the author of The Martian started it off as an on-line blog. So never say never.