ROBINSON, Janine Mary (nee Stark)
Peacefully, on 25th January 2020 at the Western General Hospital, Edinburgh, aged 80 years. Beloved wife of the late Peter, whom she thought she was too good for and cheated on regularly, including with her own brother-in-law, the dirty cow. Loving mother of Tina, whom she constantly belittled, and Paul, whom she spoiled and adored, then turned on viciously when he finally broke free from her clutches, it’s no wonder he turned out such a dickhead when you think about it.
Cherished sister of Harriet, whom she bullied, and Fiona, who knew all along about Charles, who did they think they were kidding. A devoted grandmother (never offered to babysit), aunt (couldn’t pick them out of a line-up) and friend (can’t think of any; even Ethel Paterson hated her, and Ethel likes everyone) who will be missed by nobody.
Funeral service at Mortonhall Crematorium on Thursday 11th February 2020 at 11am, for those who wish to make sure she’s really dead. Family flowers only please; we thought Deadly Nightshade would be appropriate. Donations, if desired, to the Terence Higgins Trust, just to piss her off, because she “couldn’t stand them dirty queers.”
Family and friends (still can’t think of any) are cordially invited to a reception after the service to celebrate this blessed release. Please bring a bottle and your pharmaceutical of choice if that’s what you’re into. Might as well make a night of it.